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.The glare of the tropical sun blinded him, thesmothering blanket of heat sapping what little strength hehad left.A headache began to throb behind his eyes.Somehow they passed through the bustling streets,past dark-skinned natives in blinding white attire.Smithtook him to an inn a short distance from the Admiraltybuilding, installed him in a room, then vanished.Marshallsat in the chair where he d been placed, staring out thewindow, looking at the cloudless blue sky but seeing onlya cool grey day in Portsmouth, and a towering ship, and asunny smile beneath a spotless midshipman s bicorne. Welcome to the Titan, Mr.Marshall! The first sob racked his body like a consumptive sfinal cough, and the dam broke wide open.Weepinguncontrollably, he caught the edge of the table, tumbledonto the bed, and curled into a knot of misery.It isn t fair,it should have been me! Why did they all die instead ofhim? All those men who d served with him, served under71 Winds of Changehim, weathered old sailors and midshipmen too young toshave, all the others who died while he kept on living.Theone special other who had become his reason for living.It isn t fair.How can I go on without him? Why am I stillalive?Thought stopped.Time stopped.He took in breathonly to pump out more grief, his soul so raw he felt torn intwo.Gradually his nose stuffed up, and his eyes ached, andhis throat, and still there were more tears.He had not weptlike this for his mother.He had not wept at all, and theyhad praised him for being such a strong little man.Butnow that he had started he did not think he would everstop.How could a wound like this ever heal?It would have been different if only he could havebeen there.If he could have at least held Davy s hand, saidgoodbye.He told himself that would have been easier,but he knew he was lying.He didn t know where the tearswere still coming from.Wasn t there a limit to the amountof water in a human body? He was making a mess of thepillow-case.At last sheer exhaustion pulled him under.He jerkedawake to find Barrow standing beside him. Sir? You have a duty to your men, Mr.Marshall. Yes He levered himself up, coughed; Barrow handed him aglass of water.Bless you, Barrow.The water helped alittle. Yes, Barrow, what is it? It s Lord St.John, sir. Barrow eyes were somber,and today his seemingly ageless face looked old. Mr. Mr.Archer s cousin, he s askin to see you, sir No. He had completely forgotten Davy mentioning,early in the cruise, that his cousin had a sugar plantation inJamaica, and might actually be in residence.Will had metLord St.John more properly, Baron Guilford twicebefore.The first time was when the Baron and his bride-to-be were rescued by the Calypso.He had seen themagain after the birth of their daughter, when he and Davyhad visited the extensive Archer-St John family after his72 Lee Rowanlover had been promoted to Lieutenant.St.John was a fineman and his wife was a sweet, lovely Frenchwoman.ButSt.John bore a powerfully strong resemblance to hiscousin, and if Will had to look at that familiar faceI cannot do it.I cannot. Barrow.please. He took adeep breath, forced himself to speak calmly. Pleaseconvey my regrets to his lordship, but I am.indisposed. He says it s urgent, sir. Nothing is urgent anymore, Barrow. He said it verysoftly, almost to himself.I don t care if the place is on fire,damn you, leave me in peace! Unless I am ordered toleave, I intend to remain here for just a little while.Pleaseconvey my regrets to I said that, didn t I? Aye, you did, sir. Barrow shifted from one foot toanother. Mr.Marshall Klingler an me, we just wantedto say how sorry we are about Yes. He held up a hand, not even wanting to hearthe name. Yes.Thank you, Barrow.Now can youplease just let me alone? He was mortified to hear thequaver in his voice, but Barrow showed no sign he d heardit; he nodded and took his leave.Marshall felt a surge ofgratitude, and immediately suppressed it.No.Barrow wasa good man, that was all.Best not to feel any affection.Too dangerous.For him, and for Barrow.Everyone I care about dies.And the solution to thatproblem was obvious.He must do his duty: treat the menfairly, and decently, and act in such a way that they wouldwant to follow him into battle.But for their own safety,best not to feel too much.For his own safety and sanity,best not to feel at all.It hurt too much, losing what oneloved
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